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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    One Week Challenge    Halloween 2023 One Week Challenge  ›  You Don't Know Jack - OWC
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  Author    You Don't Know Jack - OWC  (currently 538 views)
DrFrank
Posted: October 25th, 2023, 1:25pm Report to Moderator
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"flickers gayly" never seen that combination of verb and adverb lol

This one I actually liked the ending more than the main story. The majority of this is someone just talking into a camera and the audience would prefer to see something happen. However, the ending was actually pretty cool and I liked the visual of the reflection off the girl's eyes.

This one you have to reverse engineer. You have your ending, just work backwards.
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big lew
Posted: October 25th, 2023, 3:04pm Report to Moderator
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Rewriting Sucks!

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I like this script, but I was familiar with the story of Jack 'O Lantern having done some Googling about Halloween. I also agree with others about the static scene of reading the story of Chloe.

So, Candy Corn, for your consideration, what do you think about the following?

What if Jack already knows the origin of Jack O’Lantern, and he tells Chloe the story as together they go to a pumpkin patch, carve the pumpkin, and then that evening with the wife they put a candle in the pumpkin on the front porch as Trcik Or Treators approach...and Dad is devoured in front of the neighborhood?
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Abe from LA
Posted: October 27th, 2023, 3:16am Report to Moderator
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Beautifully written. Nice little story. It might be a bit dull watching for me.
But I like the history of the Jack O Lantern. Not overly scary but the twist
ending was all right. Enjoyed the read.
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bert
Posted: October 27th, 2023, 8:57am Report to Moderator
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I had never heard this before -- but it does seem to be a thing -- and I enjoyed it for that reason as something fully in the spirit of Halloween.

The last few paragraphs of action were a bit confusing, and after reading them a few times, I still don't fully grasp the actual physics of what is happening there.

But that is a small complaint. Jackson's "what the hell?" reaction shot was actually the better payoff for me anyway.

A good, solid entry.  Not the best, but up there on the list.


Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb!
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SAC
Posted: October 27th, 2023, 6:55pm Report to Moderator
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Writer,

Pretty good little tale. Your ending could have used some work, or some rationale as to why it changed to evil like that, but it was a cute little tale overall. Good effort here, good set-up, but could’ve used some more.

Steve


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