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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Dramedy Scripts  ›  Reed
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Don
Posted: January 29th, 2023, 11:48am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Reed by Devn - Short, Dramedy - A man is confronted with his fear of reading outloud, when his conscience appears to visualize his anxiety until finally, he needs to make a choice, succumb to the pressure or find a way through the anxiety. 8 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Pleb
Posted: January 29th, 2023, 1:47pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Devn,

I’ll cut to the chase. I have no idea what you were aiming for as it’s such a confusing read. You introduced 7 characters in the first half page, most of who are practically insignificant going forwards, and still bring in more characters a page later in various forms of his conscience or something like that.

After about half way I was done.

Thing is I think you can write, but this reads like a very first draft, or something that made sense when you were on the alcs.

Sorry for being so harsh.

There’s probably something here but I think it needs working on.

Cheers

Max


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Devin
Posted: January 31st, 2023, 7:43am Report to Moderator
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Hi Max,

Thanks for reading, and for your honesty. I think I was stuck and needed someone else to look at it and say, 'hey it's not working'!


Cheers!
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Pleb
Posted: January 31st, 2023, 5:07pm Report to Moderator
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Hey Deckland,

You're welcome. Just to reiterate I think it could work, it just needs to be clearer. I was drawn in by the logline as I think it's an interesting idea so would like to see it work.

Cheers,

Max


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Devin
Posted: February 1st, 2023, 3:22pm Report to Moderator
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Cool, glad you wrote that, I think I will do a few more drafts and repost.

Thanks!
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