Pages: 1, 2 : All |
Author |
Sympathy for the Devil - OWC (currently 470 views) |
Don |
Posted: September 10th, 2023, 12:48pm |
|
|
AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16458 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
Sympathy for the Devil by Can't get the song out of my head. - Satan has a new directive from above... and he doesn't like it. Short, Comedy |
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
|
|
|
|
|
Matthew Taylor |
Posted: September 10th, 2023, 4:44pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationShakespeare's county Posts1770 Posts Per Day 0.87 |
Hi writer
Fantastic song choice.
This sort of comedy is not my thing at all but I found the writing to be great and very easy to read and did make the whole experience a pleasure. So even though I don’t like the story, I really like your style.
All the best
|
| Feature
42.2
Two steps to writing a good screenplay: 1) Write a bad one 2) Fix it |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 1 - 16 |
|
|
Arundel |
Posted: September 11th, 2023, 4:49am |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationLas Vegas, Nevada Posts265 Posts Per Day 0.14 |
Witty dialog between Satan and The Reaper and some other scenes were clever and funny as well. But that song... eesh, on a loop. I felt for Satan and the audience lol. Just kidding. It's fine the first handful of times you hear it, but... I guess I've heard it in too many movies now. Anyway, nice song choice for a title. Good job. |
|
|
|
Reply: 2 - 16 |
|
|
bert |
Posted: September 11th, 2023, 9:40am |
|
|
AdministratorBuy the ticket, take the ride
LocationThat's me in the corner Posts4233 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
Oops, this is actually the best song of the batch. I erred in an earlier review, glancing too quickly across the titles.
This writer has a style that I enjoy. Quick throw-away lines that -- while not entirely filmable -- still manage to flesh out their vision. There is a subtlety to the humor going on here. But then, all of a sudden, the subtlety is lost with a far-too-literal use of the song in question. I really enjoyed the first two-thirds of this one. |
| Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb! |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 3 - 16 |
|
|
Gary in Houston |
Posted: September 11th, 2023, 3:24pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationTexas Posts1307 Posts Per Day 0.31 |
First of all, I enjoyed this, it's my type of humor. A little bit depraved, a little bit deadpan, a little bit visual humor. I can tell this is a British/Australian effort just by the spelling of tons so I can see where the humor comes from.
Like Bert, I think I was best with this until he got to the part where he performs the title song. I don't know that referencing the song word for word helped that much, but I'm willing to overlook it just because I like the rest. Good effort on this one. |
| Some of my scripts:
Bounty (TV Pilot) -- Top 1% of discoverable screenplays on Coverfly I'll Be Seeing You (short) - OWC winner The Gambler (short) - OWC winner Skip (short) - filmed Country Road 12 (short) - filmed The Family Man (short) - filmed The Journeyers (feature) - optioned
|
|
|
|
Reply: 4 - 16 |
|
|
AnthonyCawood |
Posted: September 11th, 2023, 6:31pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationUK Posts4324 Posts Per Day 1.13 |
A bit heavy-handed on the CAPS initially but that seems to settle down. Song choice is good, and obviously fits well with the locale Not sure why the Figure needs to then transitions to Reaps, can't they be Reaps from the start? Did I miss something? Storywise, weaves the song in, funny banter in parts, not quite my bag humour wise but I liked it. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 5 - 16 |
|
|
kcranford |
Posted: September 11th, 2023, 6:40pm |
|
|
New Features: Christmas Joe
Posts372 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
“Reaps”. Great renaming of a character. Loved it. I can’t say the story is my brand of humor, but it made me laugh anyway. I even found myself feeling sorry for the Devil (is that a sin . Overall, we’ll written, creative and entertaining. Great entry, writer. Thanks for sharing! |
| Scripts Available: Christmas Joe (Holiday Drama) Every Time It Snows (Holiday Drama) Happy Holi-DNA (Holiday Romance) Let That Pony Run (Family Drama) With Love, From Romance (Holiday Romance) Essex (Historical Drama)
Shorts: Santuario (OWC Writers' Choice) Death (OWC) Savior (OWC) |
|
|
|
Reply: 6 - 16 |
|
|
steven8 |
Posted: September 12th, 2023, 1:53am |
|
|
Old Timer The Ed Wood of Simply Scripts
LocationBarberton, OH Posts1156 Posts Per Day 0.22 |
I have to ask, was that Al Bundy they kept referencing? Great concept. Terrific imagery. |
| ...in no particular order |
|
Revision History (1 edits) |
steven8 - September 12th, 2023, 3:33am | | |
|
|
|
Reply: 7 - 16 |
|
|
Stoneyscripts |
Posted: September 12th, 2023, 12:08pm |
|
|
New Pushing boundaries
LocationLondon. England Posts307 Posts Per Day 0.47 |
Great song choice. Like the purgatory opening. Your writing style is good, but when Satan continues to speak after an action scene he is continuous, same applies for aside, otherwise we get lost in the mix.
Hitler sitting on Churchill's arse gave me fits. |
| My Screenplays Two Moons The Deadly Fruit Of Original Sin The Blue Room No Time For Love The Source The Pearl Earring The Bigger The Storm Before She Died
And many many more...
|
|
Logged |
Online |
|
|
Reply: 8 - 16 |
|
|
PKCardinal |
Posted: September 12th, 2023, 5:10pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationKansas Posts1448 Posts Per Day 0.62 |
Dear god, the visuals. Just too much in all the best ways.
Nothing more to add.
Shaking my head while smiling... Paul |
| PaulKWrites.com
60 Feet Under - Low budget, contained thriller/Feature The Hand of God - Low budget, semi-contained thriller/Feature Wait Till Next Year - Disney-style family sports comedy/Feature
Many shorts available for production: comedy, thriller, drama, light horror |
|
|
|
Reply: 9 - 16 |
|
|
Heretic |
Posted: September 13th, 2023, 1:02pm |
|
|
January Project Group
LocationVancouver, British Columbia, Canada Posts2023 Posts Per Day 0.28 |
South Park, Devil May Care, and a few others may have beaten this to a fair bit of the style and a good number of the jokes, but it's still funny. Excellent descriptions of Hell and its denizens, some funny lines, solid writing throughout. "Reaps" is very funny.
The idea of Hell as performative drudge work for Satan is funny and could yield a fuller story about Satan's life. Would be nice to see the story of Satan actually trying to make a change in some way. Essentially this is a story about status quo, and it'd be fun to see him try to break out.
Thanks for the laughs. |
|
|
|
Reply: 10 - 16 |
|
|
Rob |
Posted: September 13th, 2023, 9:31pm |
|
|
Posts218 Posts Per Day 0.11 |
I like that the CD player was built into the cave. I'm not sure why the FIGURE couldn't just be identified as REAPS from the start of the script. It took me a long time to realize that it was Reaps and not Re-aps. What a weird name, I told myself, Re-aps. And then it dawned on me. I guess I had a hard time following this one in general. |
|
|
|
Reply: 11 - 16 |
|
|
Kevin_L |
Posted: September 14th, 2023, 12:04am |
|
|
New
Posts148 Posts Per Day 0.02 |
Writer,
I enjoyed your script. I haven't heard this song in a long time. I didn't notice anything I could point to in your writing. I laughed when Satan threatened Adolf with Churchill. It was clever to get the lost souls entranced and loving eternal life with the rock concert only to see their bubble is about to burst. He is the master of manipulation. Well done. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 12 - 16 |
|
|
D.A.Banaszak |
Posted: September 14th, 2023, 6:46pm |
|
|
New
LocationNortheast, kind of. Posts223 Posts Per Day 0.46 |
I got the jokes and I could see the direction you were going in. It’s hard to be funny in a script. The humor here would be dependent on the performance of the actors. The minor format issues have already been addressed. I also had a problem with some of the slang names (like Reaps) and figuring out who they were.
In my opinion, the Devil would need an over-the-top performance from somebody like Jim Carey to make this work. Otherwise, the frustration and grief suffered by the Devil wouldn’t be enough by itself. I did find this to be a fun read though, with a creative interpretation of the afterlife.
Good choice of a song. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 13 - 16 |
|
|
ghost and_ghostie gal |
Posted: September 14th, 2023, 7:37pm |
|
|
Old Timer
LocationA helluva long way from LA Posts1566 Posts Per Day 0.29 |
Writer,
Not here to debate any finer points, only here to say I thought this was very good for the most part.
Fun, visual writing, but the humor didn't land for me.
All the best,
Ghost |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 14 - 16 |
|
|
SAC |
Posted: September 15th, 2023, 11:51am |
|
|
Of The Ancients … but some dreams do
LocationUpstate NY Posts3208 Posts Per Day 0.78 |
Writer,
Liked this one. Could have been a little more. A little over the top, imo, would have worked nicely here. It was already pretty crazy so why not? Anyway, I wasn’t a fan of the ending with the song itself playing and Satan lip syncing. I definitely think you could have been a bit more original here, and that’s what holds this one back.
Steve |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 15 - 16 |
|
|
Abe from LA |
Posted: September 15th, 2023, 6:23pm |
|
|
Been Around
LocationDowney, California Posts556 Posts Per Day 0.08 |
Only so-so for me. The writing was fine, the setup okay, while the song choice great. Something about the story didn't jive for me. I guess the story felt like it was covering old ground and not going any further. Didn't care for the ending, but that's me. I've never been big on stories, especially black comedies, involving Satan. I'll just say the writing style was a plus. Congrats on taking part. |
|
|
|
Reply: 16 - 16 |
|
Pages: 1, 2 : All |